Misunderstanding love.

Interesting people are good generators of joy.

But we are, often, betrayed by our lack of discernment. Because we tend to be greedy whenever we find someone that makes us feel good. We try our best to keep him/her as close as we can, sometime regardless of his/her needs. We developed tools in order to do that: rules of social conduct, friendship, marriage. We abuse unwritten laws, like loyalty or duty, to protect our source of pleasure (disregarding that our purpose isn’t noble in the first place), and we are set to make a big fuss whenever this bounds are crossed. We refuse to acknowledge that strings diminish one’s capacity and desire to please us.

In other (harsh, but fair) words, we tend to treat people we like as pets. But the human condition is not one of a domestic animal, on the contrary, humans are (despite their social structure) on top of the food-chain, wild creatures, they treasure freedom and don’t accept masters gladly.

So, where do we screw things up? How can we realize the dichotomy between beeing with someone we like, and smothering him/her to annihilation? It seems the problem resides in an universal confusion: people often say „I love you”, when they really think „I want to be loved by you”. It doesn’t look like the two of them are incompatible, but there is a small catch: when you love someone, the only right thing to ask is „I want to be loved by you, as long as it makes you happy„. Because love is, in its essence, an altruistic trade. It is obvious that someone’s charisma it’s linked with his/hers state of mind. And when you like a person, the only way to maximize the pleasure you receive is making and keeping him/her happy, right? That’s extremely inconsistent with forcing him/her to love you the way you want. Basically, both ways are forms of egoism, but the essential difference between them is that the former is sustainable and enriching for both parties, while the latter leads only to frustration and pain.

It’s like buying a lovely gold fish, but trying to force him to swim in only one sense of the bowl. You will maybe find a way, but it is sure that the fish will die.


About Mishamojo

Work in progress.
Acest articol a fost publicat în English, Uncategorizable. Pune un semn de carte cu legătura permanentă.

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